My apologies for taking so long to update. I’ve had several messages from people I know and some that I don’t, asking after me – so thank you for those.
I am doing well now. I stopped writing for several weeks – and for a few of those I stopped pretty much everything, shut myself off from the world and had some time out. You see, this whole post op thing became a bit to much for me. It turned out to be harder than I thought or expected, more tiring, sorer, longer and then, hormones and insomnia kicked in leaving me feeling pretty low.
And in between that, when I had just reached 3 weeks post op, my eldest daughter got hurt. Badly hurt. So while I was supposed to be recovering, I was actually travelling in and out of London daily to where she was in hospital, cars, buses, trains, very slow walking, sitting around on uncomfortable chairs and generally pushing my luck a bit. But, that’s what you do when you have too. At almost four weeks post op, I turned midwife as my second, beautiful granddaughter was born a little ahead of schedule! More to follow on both of those events, but boy – what a week! It literally was one extreme to the other. Everyone, but especially my amazing but long suffering hubby, was exhausted. Fortunately everyone is doing well now! So week three was not a good week for recovery in many ways, and perhaps led to the downfall in weeks 4 and 5.
Weeks four and five were probably the hardest in terms of recovery. I didn’t seem to be making any progress. On top of the pain and discomfort my mood hit a low, I was completely exhausted and finally gave in. Now, it’s hard to know if that would have happened if week three had not been so traumatic or maybe it was a combination of both but, I felt awful. I went to my GP seeking help. He was fairly straight and realistic and essentially sent me back to the start. Back to full rest. With the emphasis on actually doing it properly this time. He urged time, patience with myself, tolerance, kindness and urging me to lose the self imposed frustration. And I did exactly that. I had no choice. To the point where I didn’t speak to hardly anyone, didn’t really see anyone outside of immediate family, ignored the world and gave myself the time I needed mentally and physically.
The reward wasn’t immediate, wasn’t overnight, but is now obvious. At 6 weeks and 3 days post op, I suddenly realised that I wasn’t so exhausted, wasn’t anywhere near as sore, felt much brighter in myself, could do more of the things I wanted to more easily. I took a trip out and didn’t feel overwhelmed, wanted to eat again, wanted to drive and so on. Over the next few days I was careful not to overdo anything, but went for a short drive, went to the supermarket alone just to browse, went for lunch with a friend, started more house work chores – all without problem. I am now at 7.5 weeks and feel mostly like myself again. I can pretty much do anything that doesn’t involve standing for too long, walking too far, lifting anything or pushing a trolley! I take things easy, rest in the afternoons and pace myself. The result – I have some energy back, only minor discomfort most of the time – which soon lets me know if I am pushing too hard (which I take as my bodies warning to stop) and I can manage the tiredness much better. All of that despite the insomnia which does not seem to be improving yet, hence this middle of the night update! All of a sudden everything seems to be coming right. Don’t get me wrong, some days are still better than others, but I just feel in control again which for me is important.
And now I get to reap the rewards – essentially getting everything back on track. I am no longer in pain, no longer suffer my previous symptoms, am feeling stronger and suddenly it all seems worth it again. I’m not rushing it anymore, am no longer frustrated or impatient. I take each day as it comes and respond accordingly. And in return for acceptance of how things are – I feel I am healing like I should be. And, it really does feel like a reward! 🙂